Starved.

I have these days, you see,
Where my mind mocks me and I'm too weak to fight back
And too strong to let myself down easy.
And it's ridiculous, and all in my head.
Or perhaps a manifestation of my past.
I talked with Mackenzie tonight and almost had a melt down.
How am I to do this? How can I not break down in front of one of the few people I trust?
It seems hopeless. When I finally connect with the emotion I need to let out--I shut it back in.
I quickly close the zip-lock, keeping the freshness of the feeling deep inside this bag I call a chest.
Man, am I quick. Man, do I know the right words to say, and the right combination to avoid.
I need counseling. But what I really want is just a fresh start. I can't erase what's behind me, even though I try.
It's hard for me to define my own thoughts from The Enemies voice in my head. Perhaps they've synchronized.

Lord God,
today was battering, and I would love to be filled up with fresh waters.
I love You (: