It's fine.

I am really enjoying posting things that I know no one will read.

Is that strange?

Is it stranger that I ask questions to no one?

Most likely.

It is indeed Sunday afternoon. I have work in about two hours.

I had no invites to do anything this weekend. Maybe that's fine. It's fine.

I think I've decided I'm going to write every time I feel like writing.

I can't tell you how often I don't write because I think people will think I'm obsessive.

But lets face it Jenelle, when it comes to writing, you LOVE to be obsessive.

Have I lost my edge? I sure hope not.

I've been told countless times that My writing is something amazing. It's different and captivating.

Is that true, do you think? I'd love that to be so.

Journalism.

I don't even really know what that means.

But I want it.

I've been thinking about doing my own home studies-grammar, writing, english, etc...

I think I will. I want to become a phenomenal writer. Someone that slays people with a mere sentence. I want to move hearts by the words I puzzle together. My connect between heart and head are my fingers. My hands. My writing. I hope it's something abstract but understandable. Relatable. Can I make a difference with my words? Silent words, that is.

Books? Will I write books? What will it be? 

I know three people that want to work for National Geographic. Now that is the desire of my heart. To write articles and take pictures of the happenings around the world, and educate this retarded nation on what really matters and needs to happen. Our money should not be put into giant light sabers stretching into the sky, just to show our superiority. I'm sorry, art comes from creative minds, not from egotistical pockets. That's fine. Whatever.

I have been ridiculously intense since Wednesday. I am too serious. I know it. There are certain people that put me at ease. But for the most part, I'm high strung and sick of smiling at people that don't smile back. That's not me, though. My goal in life used to be to make someone's day, everyday. Not in an obsessive people-pleasing way. I just find such fulfillment in making people smile. Strangers, friends, family, whatever. I would go out of my way for anyone at the drop of a hat.

Now, I'm the bitch that screams "let me in!" when I'm driving, and wait for other people to open the door for me when entering a building. What the hell Jenelle?

It's fine, whatever.

I am sorry, dear blogger, for overflowing this silly box with useless thoughts. At this point, that's all these are. No one will read, no one will be moved. That's not fair to me or anyone else, wouldn't you say?

If I were in a different country, not having to worry about the stink eye I would receive from the people around me, I would scream all these things from the highest point of anywhere. 

I am intimidated by pretty much everyone. I feel like because I have not been "properly schooled" that means I'm not qualified for an intellectual conversation. I have no legitimate facts to back me up. I just have this outrageous passion burning in the veins that I am powerfully vibrant about.

I am beginning to see the insecurities in me that I didn't know were there.

God, give me the drive to speak up and out about the things I believe matter. No, that I KNOW matter. So what if I step on some toes, right? I'll stomp the shit out of their toes. 

Do something with me, God. Please. Help. Outlets. Expressions. Opportunities. Me. Please.

Who do I talk to? Where is my connection to the ministry force? Your force through me? Where? When? Now. Please?

Please.

I'm going to go wash my face, and put on too much make up.

---Jenelle.